Control Freak is My Middle Name

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

If you know me at all, you most likely know that I am a control freak. Ever since I could talk, I always wanted to have control over everything! My mom tells me that the most common saying that came out of my mouth as a child was, "I do." Although my grammar skills may have improved since then, I still find myself constantly saying, "I don't need anyone's help. I can fix this myself!" Even as I was going through my breakup, I don't think I actually shared with anyone that my relationship was having troubles until a month or so after the fact but by then it was too late and it was over. Only a true control freak would do something like that. My reason for sharing this is to make it clear that I HATE having to give that control up to anyone....even the almighty God and creator of the universe. So although it may be easy for some people to just "trust in God" during adverse circumstances, that is probably one of the hardest things anyone could ask me to do. Yet, that is all I have heard the past few months. "Trust in God, Brittany." "Just give the situation to Him and it will all work out." (Funny side note: The one thing that my ex wanted to see from me the past few months was that I trust in God more.) Let me just say. It is much easier said than done.

Well due to my newfound love for reading thanks to my father who got me a Nook for Christmas, I decided to try and find a book about trusting God, other than the Bible of course. After looking through about a hundred christian living books, I found the perfect one. I mean the title says it all. It was called "Trusting God." I thought to myself, "Well this book should probably help me learn what it means to trust in God. I mean the title is 'Trusting God.' How much more obvious can you get?" So I decided to purchase the book on my Nook and began reading. It was probably one of the best purchases I could have made and I believe that God brought that book to me as an answer to my prayers. The past few days especially, I have been praying for God to show me what to do in my current circumstance and to show what it means to truly trust in Him and believe in His sovereignty. Ask and you shall receive.

One of the big points that Jerry Bridges makes in his book is that in order to trust God, I must believe in his perfect sovereignty. Even through all the heartache and suffering, I need to believe in the Almighty God who has control over every situation. I also need to believe that He has a perfect will for my life and even though I may not understand what is going on or why this is happening, God does and that is all that matters. I need to be able to say, "Lord, I know You were in control of this dreadful event. I do not understand why you allowed it to happen, but I trust You." I think that is one of the big things I have been forgetting. God is not only in control of the outcome of the circumstance but He was even in control when it was first taking place! It says in Isaiah 45:7, "I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things." So in order for me to really give complete control to God, I need to believe that God is in complete control no matter what the circumstance. So that is what I decided to do. Instead of constantly telling myself "this situation will never change unless i do __________ and nothing will ever be fixed unless I __________ and I just need to deal with it," I am choosing to believe in a God that is greater than my circumstances. I am choosing to believe in a God that is in control and will bring good out of this situation that seems so terrible. I am choosing to believe in a God who will bring beauty from ashes. I am no longer going to put my human limits on the creator of the universe! I am going to believe in God and give it all to Him. So this is my prayer: "Lord, I do not know why this has happened and I may never know. I do not know why I am in the circumstance I am in and why you have not brought restoration to it. Maybe it is because I have not given you complete control until now but God I believe that you are bigger than all of this. I believe in a God who brings good to those who love Him and those who follow Him. I don't see it yet but I have faith that You are in control and I want to give this to you. In the end, I want to be able to say You changed things. I don't want to be able to take the credit because that is not what this is about. I want to be able to say God is good, not I am good. I want people to see your hand in this. I want this to be a testimony to your almighty power. So Lord, I give you control. Amen."