Sunday, September 4, 2011

My Story....Part 2

Well, I hope you took what I said before to heart. Okay, so where was I? Oh yeah. Kenya. Okay so by the third night in Kenya I was all screwed up and I literally broke down. I just sat down on a rock and started crying and when I say crying, I mean balling my eyes out. I didn’t know why I was in Africa. I had no idea where God was or who I was. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with my life and I could feel myself crumbling. I felt as if everyone around me was overwhelmed by joy and by the Spirit and I was sitting there alone and unbelievably broken. I had been in Africa for 3 weeks and still had not gotten any healing or freedom. I ended up talking/crying to my leader and she began to tell me that I was right where I needed to be. It was in that place of brokenness that God was going to begin to put me back together. She told me that it was going to be hard and that it is in this place that I am going to have to deal with things about myself that I had been pushing aside. Man was that true! I began to face up to my past and God really began to work. I had to deal with the shame of crossing physical boundaries with my ex and regret I had in putting him as an idol in my life. I had to deal with my need to control that situation and other things in my life. I had to deal with my self-confidence issues. I had to deal with the fact that I felt like I was too much and not enough at the same time. I had to face up to the fact that I thought I was a failure. I had to learn what it meant to love and be loved by those around me. It was a really hard experience but before I could really be set free, I had to unlock the cage to my past and face up to it. I’m so glad I did! So once again, I ask that you STOP and PRAY. Is there anything that you need to face up to? Are there any lies that have imprisoned you that you need to face up to? Ask God to bring you to a place that you can recognize them. Before you can begin to replace them with truth, you have to know what the lies are so you can place them at the feet of the cross. So before you move on, pray about that. I promise it will be good.

So at this point in my story, I am a broken mess but so ready for growth and freedom. Also at this point in the trip, the team was in the bush with the Masaai tribe where we were going to spend 10 days with no showers, sleeping in tents and literally killing our own goat just so we could eat.  Let me tell you, this was definitely an experience. By the end, I had so much dirt caked on my skin that when I finally did take a shower, I lost a few shades of skin color and I was still wiping off dirt for the next few weeks. But I would still give anything to go back there. Okay, so we are about to get to the best part of the story. Get excited. I mean God is about to do something incredible in the story so how can you not be excited? Well at least I am excited…I pray that you get excited too because this is ridiculously awesome....but of course like all good t.v. shows, I'm going to stop for a commercial break at the best part. This means you have to come back next week if you want to read the happy ending! 

1 comment:

  1. I'll be tuning in next week for more! I thank God that I keep learning more about myself because of your honest, open, soul-baring blog. I found myself in tears, yet again, because I feel like you could almost be writing about me (well minus the going to Africa part). : ) Keep it coming Brittany! You're continually impacting lives and touching hearts for Jesus!!!