Monday, September 12, 2011

My Story....Part 3

Welcome back! I am glad that you have come back to read the BEST part of the story. :) So like I said, I was a mess and feeling pretty crappy. Well, one morning during team worship, the leader, Angie, began to talk about how when she was on the World Race, she one day made a decision to choose into freedom. She literally drew a line in the sand, "took off" her old self and said aloud “I am new! I am free!” I really believe the Holy Spirit was speaking through her that morning. In that moment, the wind began to blow (which does signify something to me and call me or come find me if you wanna hear the story, it’s a pretty cool one). Anyways, so the wind began blowing and I heard God say to me, “Step forward. Step out of your past. Be bold. Choose into me and choose intro freedom. Do now wait anymore.” So I did. I literally stepped forward and said out loud, “I am done with my past! I am done with who I used to be and I am set free! I believe I am beautiful! I believe I am worth being fought for! I believe I am a child of God and I deserve to be treated like one! My significance is no longer found in man but in God alone! I will not go back! I am no longer ashamed of my past and it no longer will dictate my future! “ I was seriously standing there in the middle of the circle, crying and screaming out these declarations. That moment God changed my life. I am forever changed and I will never go back. After I made that choice to step into the future that God had for me, Angie asked me to pray in that moment and ask the Holy Spirit to give me a vision that I could always remember when I began to falter. I immediately received an image of me, looking back and I saw my old self standing there. The old me was depressed and dark. With me holding my hand was my ex and behind us was darkness and emptiness and all the lies that I ever believed. Suddenly a giant metal fence appeared with no door, no end, and no way to get over. Then I turned around and looked down at myself. I was clothed in white linen and glowing with light. I was smiling and the wind began to blow through my hair (once again very significant) and in front of me was a field full of grass and beautiful flowers and birds. There was just so much life. It was as if God was saying, “I will never let you go back. From now on you are going to be filled with joy and life. You are free my child!” I will never forget that moment and I remind myself of that image every morning I wake up. I AM SET FREE! I continue to write that in bold because it is such a huge deal for me. I have no idea who I am writing this for. You may be my best friend or you may be some random person I just met. But let me just emphasize how important this moment was for me. If you know me well then you can probably understand. This moment of choosing into freedom and choosing into God’s love literally changed my deepest core. It completely changed my outlook on my life, on my faith, on the people from my past, the people in my present and what I want for my future. Honestly, it’s not something that can really be explained in this blog. That change can only be experienced through seeing my life now and how this experience impacts the way I live it. This means if you are my best friend, yay because you get to share in my experience. Honestly, sitting here remembering that moment and trying to write about it is a little overwhelming. I mean how do you really write on paper an experience like that and get someone to really understand it? How can you describe something so indescribable? I almost want to tell you just to call me up so I can talk to you about it because that seems to be easier for me to do. So if you want to talk to me, I would love to share. Not only about that particular moment but others as well. I can’t begin to write all that God did in this blog but I do hope that I can continue to share with you other things because it is worth sharing. I mean its about God so how can it not be right? 

So basically after that moment, the entire trip changed for me. Instead of having my mind constantly on my ex and home, it was on God and His wonder and love. I was constantly in prayer and constantly in worship. At one point in Nairobi, I was so overwhelmed with joy from the Spirit that I literally had to stop listening to my worship music when the team was at a coffee shop. If I didn’t I would have just busted out in some crazy worship right there. Ever since that morning in Kenya, I can’t stop smiling. I am so happy, so full of life and so ready to minister to those around me. I want to serve. I want to help others receive the same freedom that I have received. I want people to be so in love with Jesus that they don’t need anyone else. I want to challenge people to listen to the Holy Spirit. I want to speak life into people. I want to continue to be used by God and bring His kingdom to earth. Yes, I still have struggles and I am easily tempted by the devil but I know that God will continue to lead me. I believe the same for you. The same God that loves me and gave me freedom loves you as well. He loves you and wants the best for you. I once again want to ask you that you STOP and PRAY. Pray that God pour His spirit onto you. Pray that he show His love. Pray that He speak to you. Whatever He says, write it down. Ask Him to teach you what it means to follow Him and what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Ask Him what He wants you to hear from Him, not what you want to hear. LISTEN. BE SILENT. Just listen for His voice. I pray that God begin to speak to you. I pray that He begin to teach you and refine you. I pray for growth.

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

1 comment:

  1. The impact your honesty and openness has had on my life is significant. Thank you for sharing your beautiful life with me, and everyone else...p.s. I love this piece you wrote.